Halloween Redo

Wow, can you believe that I'm actually here!? I sometimes have moments of blog inspiration, but obviously it hasn't made it from my head to the keys in a loooooonnnnng time!
The only thing I really wanted to talk about today was humility and change. We all change don't we? Well, hopefully we do. We learn, grow, and change. I think as Christians having a humble heart is hugely important.
Ok, so remember my Halloween post from years ago? Prime example of my husband and I learning, growing, and changing. Last year our Halloween looked very different from our previous stance on the subject. However, I still have no idea if we closer to being "right". I'll tell you what we did anyways.
The weather was unusually warm last year which opened up more options for us. Matthew and I had been praying about what to do the weeks leading up to the event. We weren't totally settled with hiding out. We explained to our children the origins of Halloween. We also reminded them of the first and greatest commandment. SOoooo, we set up a hot chocolate stand, bought some fun stickers (with bible verses on them, ha ha) and a bunch of candy. The worst part for me was thinking about the garbage, it makes me a little sick actually. We had just moved into a new house last year and it was wonderful to meet a bunch of our neighbours and give them treats. Our kids had so much fun playing outside and meeting people. They didn't ask to dress up (although they love dressing up throughout the year). They of course asked for candy.
Now it's that time of year again and K asked me yesterday. Mom, have you been praying about what to do for Halloween? Wow, I love that girl! What a great question. It's not about me trying to figure out whats best. Just be spirit led!

Other things I'd like to blog about:
Homeschooling in a small space. I've been googling it for ideas and these people are like "boo hoo, all 5 of us live in 1500 sq ft". I wouldn't be able to blog anything helpful in that area. So far our homeschool year has not felt organized at all. We keep going and somehow are getting somewhere.
Peter. Have I even blogged since he was born!? He's so amazing and I just can't imagine life without him. Now that we know him and love him how could we ever not want him. It makes me think about other potential children in our life and how could we possibly deny them life and deny the pleasure of us knowing them. And yet, my selfishness prevails and the timeline in my head seems better than what God would possibly give us. Ugghhh, so stupid.

My Thoughts on Halloween

We used to do halloween. The first couple years of Katelyn's life we dressed her up and went to a few houses for candy. Things have changed and we no longer "do" halloween. Here's why:

We are Christians.

All the candy is bad for our health.

All the candy has wasteful wrappers on it, remember one of my favorite blogs? Zero Waste Home


I don't like the scary costumes and my kids get scared when they answer the door to hand out candy.

Ok, so now I'm going to expand on the first one because in my mind it's the one that matters the most. Please realize that this is my conviction and I'm not judging other people, nor am I saying you should all change because of what I say here! As a Christian my family and I are are set apart, different from the world (1 Pete 2:11&12). Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against evil spiritual forces (Eph 6:12). Do you know where Halloween comes from?

It's interesting to look into, and a few different things come up. It's origins are pagan, and yes so are the origins of Christmas. But Christmas celebrates Christs birth, and Halloween celebrates death and evil. Yes originally it had a lot to do with the harvest, but it was also believed that the souls of the dead would visit on this night. It falls right before All Saints Day which is no coincidence. Catholics believed that when people died they basically waited around and got a chance to go to heaven on All Saints Day. So the night before was their last chance to get revenge, and haunt. I've also heard that since Reformation the persecuted Christians dressed up and bribed their attackers.

Satan takes what God has created and twists it, he makes counterfeits. He's a fake and a lie. I'll use the example of lust. Satan took sex, a beautiful gift from God, and he perverted it, turned it into all kinds of pitfalls for man. I believe that as Christians we need to be extra vigilant so we don't fall into his schemes. Pretending we can just take the "innocent" parts of Halloween and leaving the rest is a cop out.

I choose not to compromise and just take the fun bits of Halloween. My kids dress up all year, and we get treats often enough. I do struggle because we are called to love our neighbours, and handing out candy is very loving. To that I say that we must be loving all year round. Look out for our neighbours, know them, know their needs. Pray for them! Get involved with them, get to know them.

I also don't want to be holed away in a dark basement watching T.V. feeling the need to hide. My dream would be to have a powerful worship service on that night. Again, our battle is not between flesh and blood. Can you picture the spiritual battle on Halloween night around a place of worship? I would much prefer to kill demons and ruin satans plans than just be complacent and eat candy with a couple cute kids. The world lies to us, Satan lies to us. (1 Jn 5:19) He wants us to not care, or to not think about it too much. I'm getting worked up, YES!

1 Peter 2:11 (in case you didn't look it up when I put it up there at the top)

"Beloved, I urge you as aliens and stranger to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul."

And in the Message translation 11&12: Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives.

Prayer Vigil

This past weekend I was in Calgary with the fam. I went down for a couple reasons, doctors appts, birthdays, hanging out with family etc. But because we were going I was super excited to join in the prayer vigil at the abortion clinic there. It was the number one thing on my list. More than Ikea, more than the cute consignment store, more than Phil and Sebastian coffee. I wanted to see what it looked like so that when I pray here at home it's more real. I wanted to support the efforts of 40 Days for Life. Most of all I wanted to pray for those Mammas going through such a hard time. I hoped that by being there I could be a light and shed love onto that place a bit.

But I didn't go. I didn't go?! Seriously, I didn't even go. And there is no excuse. I guess I could say I was busy, which it true. I could say I was tired. Which is also true. I could put the blame on Satan because of course he didn't want me bringing the power of God to that hurting place. I really don't know why I didn't go, but it makes me feel sad, and a little sick. It's also a wake up call.

It's hard to get our butts out the door. I have SO much respect for the people that are filling the hours on the sidewalk there. I feel horrible that the sidewalk was empty when I should have been there. Beyond words. Sad.

Christians, we need to wake up! It's time to join together, to BE THERE! Time to stomp Satans crusty dirty head and ruin his plans! Our prayers matter. Our presence matters. Our time is worthwhile. What are you using yours for? I sure was convicted over what I'm using mine for, and it sucks when I have to answer God with a grovelling and meek "I'm sorry." I'd much rather have said, "Nice work God, thanks for being there with me, it was powerful!" I'm sure thankful that I'm forgiven and saved by grace (and don't actually have to grovel), but next time I'd way rather be used in His mighty army.

Food for thought. I'm munching. Now I'm thinking about other things I fill my day with, and what I can be doing instead. Oh wow, I have so far to go and so much changing and growing to do. It's fun! I'm excited!

p.s. I didn't do shopping or coffee either, just for the record ;-)

Rainbow Waterfall

Disclaimer: I'm super nervous to share this with you for fear you'll all think I'm crazy. I'm not. I'm also not a weird parent..... ok not usually anyways. I'll just carry on now.

I love having kids. I love it for countless reasons. Yesterday June Bug was in one or her dark moods. I walked through something with her, trying to make her feel better. Explaining things to a child, teaching them things is such a privilege. Isn't it often the adult who learns more in the process? Well here is what I walked through with her:

"June Bug lets imagine a beautiful place together. Let's imagine a waterfall, with a forest and lots of green around it. There is a large rock we can sit on to watch the waterfall. Close your eyes, what do you think the waterfall would sound like? Ok, now lets imagine that the waterfall is big enough that it's spraying water and if we stand on the grassy bank we can feel the spray on our faces. You know what else happens because of the spray? A rainbow! There is a rainbow coming from the waterfall and going into the sky, it's so bright! Ok, now look by the waterfall in the water, do you see Jesus standing there?

(This is where the Monkey piped up, "Yes, and he's standing on the water!") Well June Bug, you can go to Jesus. Just let him give you a hug. He wants you to go out there with him. You can talk to him. Tell him what's on your mind and what is making you so upset.

(She was quiet for a long time, eyes closed).

"June Bug did Jesus say anything to you? (No, I just talked to him) Did you know that Jesus gives gifts? He gives gifts like comfort, love, light, truth. You can ask him for a gift. You can always go to Jesus and talk to him, he loves you SOOOOoooo much!"

That was pretty much the extent of our conversation. It was so convicting for me! Why don't I go to him with the things that are making me sad, angry, confused? The worst part for me is that I know better! I'm not a child! I've experienced God, I've gotten the goosebumpy, so excited I can't sleep feeling of knowing Him. And yet I still find myself slumping around trying to do things on my own. Pretending that I'm doing just fine.

How much sweeter it is to meet with Him, our Saviour! He wants us to give him all that crap. It's why he died! And how sweet it is to be able to worship the Father because we are clean and purified!

This picture was actually taken from my first "real" Bible. I was probably 9 when I got it, and not much older when this verse hit me square in the face. I don't remember what my burdens were way back then, but the meaning has only become more clear.

Because a persons a person, no matter how small.

I don't have much to say today, the fog in my brain won't let me get out what is really rattling around up there. I have been craving God's word, and yet not really seeking it. I've been lazy. Today I was reading other peoples stories of their early pregnancy loss and these verses came up from Psalms

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16)

I marvel at those verses, especially in relation to our little Caleb. I marveled over those verses while Caleb was still growing in me, and I can still marvel at them. God isn't knitting him together in my womb anymore, but he's cuddling with him in a very real place. I think about this picture of Jesus.

If you don't know about this picture google either "Heaven is For Real", or "Akiane Kramarik" it's just a phenomenal story. It is also extremely comforting to me right now.

We are blessed with three living children. I love them SO much and always have. However having a child in heaven has changed my perspective. I appreciate holding my kids in a different way. I love seeing their facial features and knowing what their little sounds and grimaces mean. I love knowing every little thing about them. My perspective on future children has also changed. God told us (somewhere in the bible) that children are a blessing from the Lord. At this point in my life I want more kids. I feel a little obsessed. I feel like I constantly want a baby in our house. Who knows how this will change over the years.

When you lose a child or pregnancy people always think you might resent other people who haven't had a loss. I haven't resented anyone around me who is still pregnant or has a new born. However I get frustrated when people take what they have for granted. I'm sure I was there at some point in my life too so I'm not pointing fingers. God has really been convicting me in the past year about my need to control the size of our family. It's always a good thing to give up control and to trust him. I don't really know where I'm going with this.

You know how "they" always say there are different stages to grief? I wonder if there is a resentment stage. I don't feel resentful over the situation, but towards people not trying to understand what I'm going through. I try to be graceful when people stumble over their words to me, because I certainly have been there before. It's hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving. Just let me know that you're sorry for my loss, and then don't forget about me. It's only been two weeks and two days. There is no timeline for something like this. I'm still processing stuff and new waves of grief are hitting all the time. My due date is sure to be a sad time. Oh, and also don't think that if we get pregnant again I'll be all better, not true!
Sorry that I'm just venting. If you're reading this then you probably care and have in no way offended me. I'm venting about people that don't care to even read this so I don't know what the point of writing it is. I guess just to get it out. I should really get some sleep and gain some perspective so I don't have to keep being grumpy on my poor loyal blog.