Random

I sure like talking, and typing, and connecting with people. I'm glad to have a place where I can ramble but I sometimes wonder if I should just journal and keep my thoughts to myself. I do have supportive people in my life who care, and I'm too lazy to set up a private journal and if I just journal in "pages" I'll do it once and forget about it. So here I am again to get some thoughts out.

Things I'm doing lately: Attempting to educate my children and manage them and occasionally having freak outs at the responsibility of it all. I've read some great stuff in the department that encourages a good perspective shift. Gordon Neufeld is one of my favorites right now, the need to connect with our children and maintain close relationships with them so they are grounded in the family and don't feel the need to turn to peers during crisis. My bro-in-law and sis-in-law in Oregon are so helpful as I stumble through this parenting thing. It's wonderful to have someone to vent to, ask for advice from, and just generally know that they are there loving us no matter what.

Peter broke my glasses last week and my last pair of contacts are giving me problems, so todays post is being cut short, everything is fuzzy. I didn't even get to the good stuff! Just know that God is so incredible and he's changing this heart of mine. Sometimes I ask Him to please slow down because I can't take it all in. I want my heart to be changed, I don't want to just collect cool info about Him. Know what I mean? I'm super excited to be His child, serve Him, love people, and grow into what He has for me.

Rainbow Waterfall

Disclaimer: I'm super nervous to share this with you for fear you'll all think I'm crazy. I'm not. I'm also not a weird parent..... ok not usually anyways. I'll just carry on now.

I love having kids. I love it for countless reasons. Yesterday June Bug was in one or her dark moods. I walked through something with her, trying to make her feel better. Explaining things to a child, teaching them things is such a privilege. Isn't it often the adult who learns more in the process? Well here is what I walked through with her:

"June Bug lets imagine a beautiful place together. Let's imagine a waterfall, with a forest and lots of green around it. There is a large rock we can sit on to watch the waterfall. Close your eyes, what do you think the waterfall would sound like? Ok, now lets imagine that the waterfall is big enough that it's spraying water and if we stand on the grassy bank we can feel the spray on our faces. You know what else happens because of the spray? A rainbow! There is a rainbow coming from the waterfall and going into the sky, it's so bright! Ok, now look by the waterfall in the water, do you see Jesus standing there?

(This is where the Monkey piped up, "Yes, and he's standing on the water!") Well June Bug, you can go to Jesus. Just let him give you a hug. He wants you to go out there with him. You can talk to him. Tell him what's on your mind and what is making you so upset.

(She was quiet for a long time, eyes closed).

"June Bug did Jesus say anything to you? (No, I just talked to him) Did you know that Jesus gives gifts? He gives gifts like comfort, love, light, truth. You can ask him for a gift. You can always go to Jesus and talk to him, he loves you SOOOOoooo much!"

That was pretty much the extent of our conversation. It was so convicting for me! Why don't I go to him with the things that are making me sad, angry, confused? The worst part for me is that I know better! I'm not a child! I've experienced God, I've gotten the goosebumpy, so excited I can't sleep feeling of knowing Him. And yet I still find myself slumping around trying to do things on my own. Pretending that I'm doing just fine.

How much sweeter it is to meet with Him, our Saviour! He wants us to give him all that crap. It's why he died! And how sweet it is to be able to worship the Father because we are clean and purified!

This picture was actually taken from my first "real" Bible. I was probably 9 when I got it, and not much older when this verse hit me square in the face. I don't remember what my burdens were way back then, but the meaning has only become more clear.

My Days At Home

I spend most days at home with my kids. I don't do a whole lot. Well, ok, I keep the house tidy, I keep good food on the table, I kind of school my children, and recently I've been trying to generate a bit of income besides what my hubbie makes. But really, our days aren't filled with activities and the things we do don't feel busy or stressful.

When I first came home from Uganda my days at home loomed long and boring ahead of me. I couldn't believe that I had stayed home all day everyday with the kids before the trip and I was ok with that. I felt restless. Like I was missing something. I felt that life in Uganda was moving along without me, and life here in Canada was just stuck. As I started processing the trip more I kind of got out of my funk. I realized that there is a lot that can be happening in Uganda, and if I take it a step at a time I can still be part of it. I don't know what that will look like yet. It's pretty simple though, it's just praying about it and saying yes when God gives me the opportunity. I'm totally in love with Uganda and a little obsessed when random strangers visit and I somehow get to see their pictures on facebook. Someday I would love to go back and hug those kids and pray for those families.

BUT I'm here now. So now what? Well. I spend most days at home, and that can seem pretty boring at first glance. But what if I let God take that and use it for His glory? That is my purpose here on earth after all. My life brings glory to my God, my creator. My actions, words, attitude, choices, they all mean a lot more than just surface stuff. What if I decided to visit my neighbour who just lost her husband to cancer? What could God do there? I don't know, but I'm sure going to find out. I can go hug her and pray for her and I bet you my heart will be filled to overflowing, just like it would be if it was a cute black kid in my arms.

What if instead of belitting my child for getting the windows smudged yet again, I patiently took their hand as we helped each other clean it up, while I joked about the pet spiders crawling outside and up their arm (and of course start a tickle fight).

What if I told a new friend about my awesome church family and how they helped us out when my husband got his tools stolen, and how much love we felt because of that? What if those thieves were prayed for and loved instead of hated?

What if I prayed to commit a new business venture to God and His glory and immediately see him bless it by doubling my income overnight?

The point I'm trying to make (to myself more than anyone), is that I can say yes to God, and see Him work, and get goosebumps when I see the Spirit at work, no matter where I am. I did go and visit my neighbour, and it was great. I know it's just the beginning of something amazing because it's totally the Spirit guiding my words. She commented that there was something special about me. Someday I'll tell her that that something different is my Creator, Saviour, Lover, God living inside of me and He's her creator too and He's drawing her and wanting to woo and love her.

There is no way that on my own strength I can happily keep my household running and skip around the neighbour hood spreading warm fuzzies (believe me I've tried, it's not fun, there is a lot of pressure and sadness). But thank GOD that it's SO much more than that. When I live for HIM it clicks, makes sense, and it's sheer joy to serve Him. Even in sorrow we can walk with Him, even if it just means telling Him how mad we are. Realizing my purpose, and changing my perspective makes life worth living.

This post was supposed to be about a typical day that I spend at home. It was supposed to be peppered with funny things the kids said recently, and how much fun we've had frog hunting and planting seeds. I have thoroughly been enjoying my days at home, and I was going to write all about that. I would still like to write about that someday, but I'm glad that at least for today it turned into more. God is definitely doing a work in my heart and I just love it. I love Him. So I guess for now, I'll just go enjoy one more day at home and see what else happens on this blog another day.

This picture was taken at the airport when they came to pick me up after my trip. I was tired, and happy.

Using Time for What Really Matters

I'm the kind of person who, when making a to do list, feels the need to fill the entire page. At the end of a day, no matter how productive, I feel like I didn't get enough done. I feel like there is always stuff to do and I could never accomplish everything I want to do. This has been a major learning curve in the last few years. Learning to let go of expectations and be realistic in my goals. The other day I stumbled upon this blog post "Learning to Enjoy Your Children" that really made me tear up, but not for the reason you may think. It was not with regret that I read it, but with joy. If you don't follow the link I'll sum it up here. She challenges parents to be intentional with our children and spend quality time with them everyday. She lists some examples, many of which we do with our kids often. I read it with thankfulness that Matthew and I do take the time to really enjoy our kids. It is because I play pirates with them, bake with them, read to them, listen to their jokes and many other fun things that my "to do" list is usually a "should have done" list by the end of the day. It's also why I can go to bed at night with a huge smile and warmth in my heart and just throw that list out of my mind because it really doesn't matter. Cheering for my kids as they learn and grow, praying for them and with them, that is what matters. So even if I fail in cleaning, baking, laundry, or sewing, I will strive to love on my kids in whichever way they need that day. Even as I write this post I've been interrupted countless times to kiss an owie, read a book, cuddle a baby, and sit a stubborn kid on the potty. It's all worth it. Oh my word, is it ever!




This picture was taken months ago, but sums up the silliness and sweetness of our little squirts.
So lately I've really been trying to just be more proactive in my tasks around the house instead of adding too many things to my list. I've been reading the Fly Lady's blog again for inspiration. Her stuff is mostly just common sense, like clean as you go, which my mom drilled into me while growing up (thanks mom:-) I really like her ideas for de-cluttering. Its very simple, fast, and doable. Yes, that's a word. Doable. You just start with one room, 15 min a day is all your allowed. First you bring a garbage bag into the room and throw 28 things into it, then you take it out to the garbage and forget about it. Then you bring a box and put 28 giveaway things into it, bring it out to your car to drop off at a thrift store, and forget about it. Once it's in the bag or box, just let it go, don't you dare take it out again! And then you're done de-cluttering for the day. So easy! The other thing I've been doing from her site is setting the timer for an hour and working, then setting the timer for 15 minutes and sitting down for a break. My break time is spent drinking water, and playing with the kids, in a chill relaxing sort of way. This way I'm connecting with them and they will play together really nicely for the next hour again. It's been working really well today, we'll see if I actually keep up with it or not. It's noon and I've made bread, and granola (with the kids help of course;-), vacuumed downstairs, majorly tidied the kitchen, read a couple stories, played Petshop, and nursed Micah twice. So I think I'll take the rest of the day off and plant some seeds in the garden with the kids and play. Yipee!

Garbage and our Dirty Earth

A friend pointed out this blog The Zero Waste Home To give you an idea of what she means by "Zero Waste" here's a list of what was in her garbage the week of December 18th to the 26th. A plastic cork, bones her dog couldn't eat, meat wrapper, lego packaging, cough drop wrappers, wax paper. She had a reason why all of these shouldn't be there. This was over Christmas. I'm amazed! She uses glass jars to store food, and brings them shopping with her to pick up her meat, cheese, bulk liquids, and she uses cloth bags for other bulk items. They literally have NO WASTE, it's insane. Her little ditty is "Refuse, reduce, reuse, then recycle as a last resort." She really puts things into perspective by pointing out that one plastic bag given to you seems harmless until you think about all the other people going through that store that day also given a plastic bag. That would be hundreds or thousands of bags a day depending on the size of the store. And then they are given out the next day too. And then the same people come back next week and get another bag. That starts adding up really quickly. IF those bags end up getting recycled they will only be recycled once, and it takes a lot of energy to get it made into something else.

Last week I was feeling pretty good about myself when I didn't have to put the garbage out, now I'm swallowing that pride. We put a regular size garbage bag on the curb every two weeks. We recycle a regular garbage size bag every two weeks too. So now that my eyes have been opened I will make a few changes. I have an old sheet that I'm going to sew into produce and bread bags. I'm never going to buy ziplocs again. Instead of using plastic wrap I'm leaving leftovers covered with a plate, which looks messy and horrible, and takes up extra room, but we have two fridges, lucky I know. I'm going to start composting again, I feel super wasteful not doing it in the winter, and it's really not any harder to do it in the winter, just need to take a little walk in the snow once a week. I feel like we've already made a lot of changes, but there is always more. I don't use paper towels or cleaning stuff, just Norwex cloths. We use cloth diapers 95% of the time (some lame "green" ones the other 5% of the time) I'm going to make cloth bags for wrapping gifts. I didn't send Christmas cards this year (because I'm a procrastinator not because I was thinking about the paper and transportation, I'm really reaching now)
Ok, so when I read stuff like this girls blog I can't just leave it at that. It's gets me thinking and I have to do more research. I had heard a rumor about a huge garbage dump in the middle of the ocean. I googeled it. It's true. Some say it's twice the size of Texas, others say it's twice the size of the States!

I saw a picture of a pelican skeleton that was FULL of plastic bottle caps and such. It was disturbing. But why does this all matter? Can't we just continue shopping at our grocery stores and throwing away our junk? I think the problem is because, YES, we CAN keep doing that! "We" have known about this dump and other HUGE environmental concerns for decades and have done little about it. We are so comfortable and don't feel the effects of all this horrible stuff going on. Right now it's only up to personal choice. We still have (what we think) is clean water, healthy food, we don't see our garbage. The only reason I think other wise is because I've read a lot about it. I'm not going to get into the food aspect of this right now, but it's coming in another post. I believe it ties into all this. My kids need lunch, gotta go. I just wanted to get this out there and maybe start people thinking, or at least let you know what I'm thinking about. What if you had to do something with all the garbage you take out to the curb? What if that option wasn't there? Would you bury it in your back yard? How long would you be able to do that? I bet you would have a lot less garbage to dispose of if you had to do it on your own. That's what I'll be thinking about tomorrow when I roll my convenient HUGE garbage can down the driveway. Until later then.

Broken Promises

April 2! That's almost FOUR MONTHS of non blogging! Poor lonely little blog, so cold and all alone! Well, I'm here now, but I can't promise I'll be back soon. It seems like every time I promise to be a faithful writer I break my promise.
Where do I start to catch you all up on the last four months? My to do list, sadly, isn't much different. It has grown a lot, that's the only difference. Gardening is the newest and greatest stuff that has happened. What a depressing spring of weather we had. At one point I was ready to rip the garden out and move to B.C. !!!! A true Alberta girl ready to betray her province! That must mean it was truly horrible. And it was. Windy, cold, dry, just terrible. I'm really tired of starting my garden from scratch every year. I've never got to build it up nicely because I'm starting in a new yard every year. We've been getting hot days lately and everything is looking very happy out there now. I have fallen in love with Alberta once again this month. All it took was a lovely drive home from the farm one day. Just me in the truck with the windows down, the country music blaring, at that glowy time of evening. Fresh hay bales out spreading their sweet perfume, bright canola fields swaying in the slight breeze. Glorious. It made me wonder why I wanted to move to the dessert, all cloudy and depressing in the winter. Boo B.C. Boo! (although I'm super excited for a B.C. trip in the fall to buy some apples and see very dear and wonderful friends and family)
Other new things going on? I'm pretty obsessed with a cook book I've had for awhile called Nourishing Traditions. It's a new way of cooking (for me) that takes some getting used to, and a lot of thinking ahead. She soaks all her flours and grains for baking, ferments milk and veggies, sprouts nuts and seeds before eating. It's much more than just a cook book. She goes into SOO many things about healthy and nutrition, I love it. It's my fav. So I've been cooking a lot, and getting healthy. Oh and I grew wheat grass! It's nasty stuff! But apparently really good for energy. Another thing we've been taking is called Youth Juice. I'm really loving it and noticing a difference in my energy, and in how well I sleep. People are saying it's been helping with digestion, injuries, sicknesses, diabetes, etc. etc. It's 7 berries (all grown in the lovely B.C. wink wink) and 3 sea weeds from the Canadian Pacific. I really like that it's "local" ish. I also like that it makes a difference. It's loaded with anti oxidants. Oh and it's yummy. Ok, you get the point, I'm excited!
The kids are doing great. the Monkey is at my favorite age ever, just the best! He's 16 months now, still baby, but a bit of kid too. He's a lazy little talker, I wouldn't even give him the credit of saying he had a vocabulary at all. He says "hi" and "dad". Yup, that's it! What he lacks in vocab he makes up for in physical activity. I'm just shocked at what a nut he is. Just go go go, no stop, all the time! I'm also shocked that we haven't been to the hospital with him yet, ever! Although I do have poison control, the doctor, and health link on speed dial. Yeesh. He's such a cutie though. And Munchkin's doing great too. Still a little too smart for her own good. She has such an amazing imagination. I catch myself sneeking in to just watch her play by herself. It's amazing what this girl comes up with. I need to write down more of her stuff, she's clever.
Well that's all the fun and wonderful stuff that we've been up to, guess it's time for the bad stuff now? It's been a really rough year for me. The worst year of my life so far actually. My parents split up this year, after 30 years of marriage! In a way it's like mourning a death, the death of a marriage I guess. I'm still sad a lot, and trying to move on and readjust. The other totally shitty thing is that my Grandma just passed away. Excuse my language, but that's how it feels. It still feels like a big shock, even though it was more than a month ago. I miss her so much. She was a truly great Grandma, and I'm super thankful for the memories and the time spent with her. I'm also thankful that she didn't have to suffer for long, and that she is at the feet of God, more blissfully happy than we could ever imagine. It just sucks being stuck here feeling weighed down at times by the pain in this world. I've been hearing about a lot of people I went to school with who are splitting up. I just don't understand! I feel really sad about things like this right now. Sorry to sound depressing.
But it's much to sunny a day to waste blubbering away in here! Sure we can feel sad and weighed down, but life goes on eventually, little by little. There is so much to be happy about, and to keep one going.