Why do you Homeschool?

People ask me that sometimes. It's a good question, why do we choose to educate our children this way? After the kids' dance classes today I heard the following conversation:

Child: (whiney voice) Do we get to go home now? I just want to go home, I'm tired.
Mom: No bud come on! We have to go to hockey now.

That was it. It was 5:15pm. The kid might have spent 30 minutes at home after school, then dance, then hockey. He wasn't in dance but he still had to wait around while a sibling had dance class. Then he was whisked off to his hockey practice.

The time my kids get to spend at home, that's one reason I home school. On a really good school day where I put concentrated effort into things, Katelyn spends an hour in the morning doing songs and activities and an hour in the afternoon doing book work. Done. Other days it's even less. The activities they're in, and play times with other families compliment their school work.

That's just one reason and I could expand on it, but I think it's pretty simple. I'm thankful that this works for us, because I'm not naive enough to think it works for everyone. I know many people can't do it, won't do it, or haven't thought to do it. I'm not saying their wrong, just sharing one reason why we made the choice. Maybe I'll share another reason later.

Laundry and Prayer

I've been feeling really overwhelmed with house work lately. I've also been feeling overwhelmed in my heart in the matter of abortion and our country's stance on it. Two totally different things, but today they are chipped away together, at least in this household.

Today our government is dealing with motion 312. I'll be honest I really don't understand all the implications. Here's some info on it. I understand enough to know that I should be on my knees in prayer over the issue.

Basically Canada is talking about changing the definition of "Human Life", because as it stands now this hasn't been updated since who knows when.

So because I'm overwhelmed in house work and because I'm overwhelmed in my heart, I kneel and fold a HUGE pile of laundry and I pray.

I pray for our leaders, I pray for the conversation in that room today. I pray that our hearts will seek truth as a country. I pray for the lives that are at stake here. I pray for Christians in this country. That we would all wake up, not only to the crisis of abortion, but to so many things that we are blind to. That we would arise, join in prayer, join because of love.

So many things are on my mind I can't choose just one to blog about tonight. So I'll do a list because I'm a lover of lists.

1. Africa and sweet little toes that I got to paint purple while I was there. I was scanning through some instagram photos today when a friends picture just hit me out of no where. It was a sweet little black foot with pink painted toes. It reminded me of the three girls at the drop in center who I still pray and hope for

2. Abortion. A word that makes me squeemish for so many reasons. I hate HATE conflict. I'm a people pleaser. I'm working on it because it's so not healthy. I hate controversy and I don't feel smart enough to debate issues, especially not abortion. All things that I'm submitting to Jesus. I'm asking God to soften my heart and I'm willing to be used by Him in the area. I'm squeemish about it for the obvious reason too. Just the thought of what they are doing to that sweet babe and our country's stand on the topic. Disgusting! However in saying all that, the whole thing, for me anyways, is about love and compassion. Love not only for the baby, but for the mother. It's a big decision and no matter what she thinks there will be emotional healing that needs to happen. And compassion for the mother because we are all broken and need fixed. Where is the root of this mentality that "Women should have a right to their own bodies." I just texted this to a friend and I'll share it with you: "I think we as a society are so busy taking care of our rights, feeling entitled, and not feeling supported that we forget about responsibility. What about our responsibility as a mother to that unborn babe who doesn't have a voice?" I would add something about families, the importance for good ties between us and our parents, and the lack of that in so many these days. I don't know how to word it all yet, so just never mind about that part yet.

3. Big families. I love big families and have always been intrigued by them. I wonder if I'll be the mamma of a big family one day. When I was in Calgary this summer and shared our happpy news of expecting our fourth with some girls I met they were amazed, thought I was crazy, but also had a healthy respect for me. It struck me as odd. I guess I live in a place where it's normal accepted to have more kids than just the one or two. My how different I am than the girl I would have been had the planning been left to me and we had stayed in Calgary all these years. How thankful I am that God has a much much better plan. Back to the subject. Big families (we're talking 6 or more children) seem warm, fun, centered, and so many other things to me. This subject ties into another one on my mind

4. Control. Birth Control. Don't worry I'm not going to get all gross on you here. I'm a control freak and like to plan things. Check this out: Married '04, first child '06, second child '08, third child '10. Mini van, house in cul-de-sac, holidays, craft times, cute hair cut, check. Check. Check. The image is all down pat and good. Right? HA! It drives me crazy when I hear that people think I have it all together, and yet how can I blame them. That's what I've worked so hard for isn't it? Oh God make me humble! I would say to those people that they are SO wrong for thinking I have it all made. God is working on my heart. Breaking down the barriers. It feels SOOOO good to let Him in. To let Jesus wash it all away. Sorry, this is so not about birth control anymore, how did I do that!? See, I should really not be allowed to blog at night! I'll just say that I am finally willing and excited to give God my whole heart and life, even this area of controlling when and how many children we have. It's hard for me to feel emotionally ready to "try again" ( I hate that term. Like Caleb was a fail and we'll just try again), but I know in my head I need to lay it down and let God work. Let go and let God.

I've learned a lot this year. About me and about God. I'm submitting to Him, going to Him, being changed by Him. I'm stoked to meet with Jesus these days, to talk with him and hear from him.

I know God is working in intricate ways in my life in this area of giving up control to Him when it comes to our future children. I shouldn't be fearful that I'll have 10 more kids, drive a "Morman van", never travel, be broke, be judged. SEE! When I write it all out I know it's totally ridiculous and those with big families totally just laughed at me. It's good that they would laugh because they know how silly I'm being too. Of course life isn't always easy when you have many children to love, guide, and care for. But is it all worth it in the end? I hope I can someday answer that truthfully with a: HECK YEAH!

The Weight of a Child

The weight of a child in my lap as we swing.
It's so sweet to hold you here my little golden one.
Yet it reminds me so of the child I hold in my heart,
the one that will only be in my heart.

When I look at your sweet face I also see the one who will never be.
And I wonder.
I wonder if he would have been like you, only wanting Mommies lap when it came to the swings.
I wonder why he left so soon,
why my body is empty.
I wonder what that little one would have been like in my arms.

He would have been warm, and small, and sweet like you were little golden one.
My special boy.
He would have had that smell.
That sweet newborn smell.

He left so soon, he left me empty.
Now my heart aches as I can only look forward to empty arms.
Empty arms, a dream, a hope, a memory.

I hope and dream of holding Joy.
Still savoring the memory,
Still healing from the ache.
But the weight of a child once more.

Hibbidy-jibbidy. That's what's going on.

Look what I found on Pinterest today.

I honestly didn't know if I should file it onto my "funny stuff" board, or my "home organization" board. I mean do people actually do this? I mean real people, with kids, who have to cook and stuff. Seriously, if I tried to do this my kids would hate me by the end of the day, no one would eat. All day. I would collapse. I would call my husband in a hysterically sobbing mess on the floor. I mean, I call him hysterical on a good day, never mind trying to clean the entire house in one day. The image of it is hilarious. But also not, because it's a little bit too real to be funny.

The fly lady approach works MUCH better for me. Basically it's just cleaning up as you go. C-A-Y-G. I can still hear my mom saying that as I cook. Fly lady also has "zones" that you work on each week. I like to think my house stays pretty tidy usually, and once in awhile I give it a concentrated afternoon of scrubbing and call it good. That's reality for me. Usually. But lately it's been different.

Everything's different lately.


The whole reason for this post is to vent a little and give you all a dose of my real life.

Things I'm doing lately:
-Trying to educate my two oldest children.
-Trying to get a business off the ground, ok it's not that big of a business, but it's still something.
-Meal planning. Which is hard because I make everything so difficult by not doing things ahead of time, duh!
-Still getting the garden in and dealt with
-Keeping the house as tidy as humanly and realistically possible all things considered.
-Maintaining some important relationships, mainly my amazing husband
-Majorly cutting back on spending

This post was originally super long. I just wanted to vent about how tired and stressed I am/was trying to keep the basic things going in this household. It's funny the feedback you get when you vent isn't it? Some well meaning people will give you advice and solutions. That doesn't make me feel better, in fact quite the contrary. I just want you to pat my back and tell me I'm doing a good job!

But now I'm going to talk about missing Caleb. Yes again. Yes still. It's been more than a month since we had to say goodbye to our sweet babe. Hard for me to believe it's been that long. The pain has washed over me in a new way this week. It's been a really really hard week. Lots of tears. I try to keep myself really distracted, and so I've thrown myself into some sewing projects. It's nice to get stuff done, but I should know myself better by now.

I need to just let myself be held and comforted by the One that can offer me true freedom. It's so sweet meeting with Him. Jesus my saviour, lover of my soul. I've been so up and down and everywhere this week. Yet he is my constant. He offers me peace and rest.

This post is so scattered. I guess it's appropriate. If only you knew how scattered my head is these days. I can't begin to describe it, so instead I'll get some sleep.

Rainbow Waterfall

Disclaimer: I'm super nervous to share this with you for fear you'll all think I'm crazy. I'm not. I'm also not a weird parent..... ok not usually anyways. I'll just carry on now.

I love having kids. I love it for countless reasons. Yesterday June Bug was in one or her dark moods. I walked through something with her, trying to make her feel better. Explaining things to a child, teaching them things is such a privilege. Isn't it often the adult who learns more in the process? Well here is what I walked through with her:

"June Bug lets imagine a beautiful place together. Let's imagine a waterfall, with a forest and lots of green around it. There is a large rock we can sit on to watch the waterfall. Close your eyes, what do you think the waterfall would sound like? Ok, now lets imagine that the waterfall is big enough that it's spraying water and if we stand on the grassy bank we can feel the spray on our faces. You know what else happens because of the spray? A rainbow! There is a rainbow coming from the waterfall and going into the sky, it's so bright! Ok, now look by the waterfall in the water, do you see Jesus standing there?

(This is where the Monkey piped up, "Yes, and he's standing on the water!") Well June Bug, you can go to Jesus. Just let him give you a hug. He wants you to go out there with him. You can talk to him. Tell him what's on your mind and what is making you so upset.

(She was quiet for a long time, eyes closed).

"June Bug did Jesus say anything to you? (No, I just talked to him) Did you know that Jesus gives gifts? He gives gifts like comfort, love, light, truth. You can ask him for a gift. You can always go to Jesus and talk to him, he loves you SOOOOoooo much!"

That was pretty much the extent of our conversation. It was so convicting for me! Why don't I go to him with the things that are making me sad, angry, confused? The worst part for me is that I know better! I'm not a child! I've experienced God, I've gotten the goosebumpy, so excited I can't sleep feeling of knowing Him. And yet I still find myself slumping around trying to do things on my own. Pretending that I'm doing just fine.

How much sweeter it is to meet with Him, our Saviour! He wants us to give him all that crap. It's why he died! And how sweet it is to be able to worship the Father because we are clean and purified!

This picture was actually taken from my first "real" Bible. I was probably 9 when I got it, and not much older when this verse hit me square in the face. I don't remember what my burdens were way back then, but the meaning has only become more clear.

Permission to Cry

I've found such love and support in these past few weeks from people who have lost children, babies, or pregnancies (which are still babies, duh). I just found a blog last night and I'm borrowing a song she had posted a week after her daughter died. Her name was Charlotte, she died in May 2010, she was born at 10:10, died at 11:47. I really appreciate this song because I feel like it gives me permission to cry as much as I do.

Glory Baby - Watermark


Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…


Here's a couple blog posts that I identified with this week if you're interested.

Selfish from Little Bird

The Tale of Two Heart Beats from my dear friend Anella

Intro to my Children

Well the school season is upon us once again. June Bug is in grade one this year, the Monkey is in pre-kindergarten, which is just a pity thing I made up for him to make him feel cool. And Meatball is officially two years old as of yesterday. Wow! This is a good time to introduce my kids in case anyone other than my mom reads my blog someday. Here's hoping.

My nicknames for my kids just kind of happened after they were born. I appreciate people using initials for their kids, but I'm going to use their weird nicknames instead. We don't even use them on a day to day basis, but they work well for this space.

First up!

June Bug: She is 6 and simply lovely. Seriously, she's just amazing. She loves her little brothers and is usually super sweet to them. She's also very reliable around the house, not only to do her chores (when reminded), but also for little errands here and there.

June Bug loves adventures, princesses, stories, and anything artsy. She loves being outside even when it's -20 C, and she doesn't care at all about anyone else's standards on fashion. She has an amazing imagination and is usually very cheery. When she's grumpy though, watch out! She gets in dark moods, and says strangely contemplative things for a six year old.


And in her shadow but still able to run and ride faster is......

Monkey: Who just recently asked me how old he was. I was a little confused that he would forget, but then he explained that even though he's four and not five he just knew he felt bigger. So he's officially four AND A HALF.

He's always been freakishly agile. I say freakishly, but not because I'm always cringing while he's skate boarding or climbing. I say freakish because he's always known his limits and he just won't do things he knows he can't do. He's always been able to do A LOT though.

Even though he runs, rides, and climbs he's still my sensitive cuddly little guy. He's the quiet type and still takes awhile to get out what he's trying to say.

I love watching him explore his little world. He's getting comfortable with the "big" neighbourhood boys, following them everywhere and keeping up pretty well of course. When it comes to "pre-kindergarten" and chores I have to get pretty creative with how I word things and tread lightly. I can't ask him to do anything or thank him for doing anything, he'll get mad. Instead it's "Monkey, the dishwasher needs emptied and it's your turn." and then "Sweet, the dishwasher is empty, what are you up to now." I can't get all mushy on him and say "great job" or anything, he's interesting. I haven't quite deciphered him yet.

Oh, he's also a vegetarian....... sooooooo opposite of everyone else in the house. The last piece of meat he ate was when he was 2 1/2, it was a bite of hamburger. Even at that point I remember being a little shocked that he ate it. I make lots of broth, you know, the real kind, from bones. So I guess I should say, he thinks he's a vegetarian, mwuuaaaahaaa haaaa.

Right at his heels is........

Meatball. He just turned two, although we've been referring to him as "the two year old" for months now. He's thick and chunky and delicious, like a good salsa. The Meatball is usually chasing after his siblings, tearing the kitchen or garage apart, or napping (thank goodness!). I love having two boys and seeing how completely different we can make two of the same gender. They are both active, but Meatball is like a tank. He just tumbles into the scene without much thought to what he's doing. He's an entertainer and thrives on the attention. The only time he really slows down is when the tinker toys are out. He's great at putting those little things together. Oh, he also naps still - insert heavenly music here -. I make him sound like a crazy kid, which he's totally not. He's just really active and big.

I'd also like to include Caleb here, our wee babe who's in heaven waiting for us all to get our butts up there so we can finally meet him. I can't wait! He was only 14 weeks in my womb before we had to say goodbye. I miss having him growing there. I would be 17 weeks along now and feeling his sweet little kicks. Instead I'm sleeping on my tummy, wearing my favorite jeans, and crying when I least expect it. It's already easier than the first couple weeks, but in a different way. It's like the loss settled deeper inside me. I'm dreading February and all it's emptiness, and praying we have another member of the family someday (not that it replaces him in anyway of course).

This post became something very different than the post I thought I was writing about educating at home, things I do in the fall, or different talents people around me are blessed with. Those were my thoughts when I first sat down here. My brain is weird at night. Next time I'll try this in the morning.