Random

I sure like talking, and typing, and connecting with people. I'm glad to have a place where I can ramble but I sometimes wonder if I should just journal and keep my thoughts to myself. I do have supportive people in my life who care, and I'm too lazy to set up a private journal and if I just journal in "pages" I'll do it once and forget about it. So here I am again to get some thoughts out.

Things I'm doing lately: Attempting to educate my children and manage them and occasionally having freak outs at the responsibility of it all. I've read some great stuff in the department that encourages a good perspective shift. Gordon Neufeld is one of my favorites right now, the need to connect with our children and maintain close relationships with them so they are grounded in the family and don't feel the need to turn to peers during crisis. My bro-in-law and sis-in-law in Oregon are so helpful as I stumble through this parenting thing. It's wonderful to have someone to vent to, ask for advice from, and just generally know that they are there loving us no matter what.

Peter broke my glasses last week and my last pair of contacts are giving me problems, so todays post is being cut short, everything is fuzzy. I didn't even get to the good stuff! Just know that God is so incredible and he's changing this heart of mine. Sometimes I ask Him to please slow down because I can't take it all in. I want my heart to be changed, I don't want to just collect cool info about Him. Know what I mean? I'm super excited to be His child, serve Him, love people, and grow into what He has for me.

So many things are on my mind I can't choose just one to blog about tonight. So I'll do a list because I'm a lover of lists.

1. Africa and sweet little toes that I got to paint purple while I was there. I was scanning through some instagram photos today when a friends picture just hit me out of no where. It was a sweet little black foot with pink painted toes. It reminded me of the three girls at the drop in center who I still pray and hope for

2. Abortion. A word that makes me squeemish for so many reasons. I hate HATE conflict. I'm a people pleaser. I'm working on it because it's so not healthy. I hate controversy and I don't feel smart enough to debate issues, especially not abortion. All things that I'm submitting to Jesus. I'm asking God to soften my heart and I'm willing to be used by Him in the area. I'm squeemish about it for the obvious reason too. Just the thought of what they are doing to that sweet babe and our country's stand on the topic. Disgusting! However in saying all that, the whole thing, for me anyways, is about love and compassion. Love not only for the baby, but for the mother. It's a big decision and no matter what she thinks there will be emotional healing that needs to happen. And compassion for the mother because we are all broken and need fixed. Where is the root of this mentality that "Women should have a right to their own bodies." I just texted this to a friend and I'll share it with you: "I think we as a society are so busy taking care of our rights, feeling entitled, and not feeling supported that we forget about responsibility. What about our responsibility as a mother to that unborn babe who doesn't have a voice?" I would add something about families, the importance for good ties between us and our parents, and the lack of that in so many these days. I don't know how to word it all yet, so just never mind about that part yet.

3. Big families. I love big families and have always been intrigued by them. I wonder if I'll be the mamma of a big family one day. When I was in Calgary this summer and shared our happpy news of expecting our fourth with some girls I met they were amazed, thought I was crazy, but also had a healthy respect for me. It struck me as odd. I guess I live in a place where it's normal accepted to have more kids than just the one or two. My how different I am than the girl I would have been had the planning been left to me and we had stayed in Calgary all these years. How thankful I am that God has a much much better plan. Back to the subject. Big families (we're talking 6 or more children) seem warm, fun, centered, and so many other things to me. This subject ties into another one on my mind

4. Control. Birth Control. Don't worry I'm not going to get all gross on you here. I'm a control freak and like to plan things. Check this out: Married '04, first child '06, second child '08, third child '10. Mini van, house in cul-de-sac, holidays, craft times, cute hair cut, check. Check. Check. The image is all down pat and good. Right? HA! It drives me crazy when I hear that people think I have it all together, and yet how can I blame them. That's what I've worked so hard for isn't it? Oh God make me humble! I would say to those people that they are SO wrong for thinking I have it all made. God is working on my heart. Breaking down the barriers. It feels SOOOO good to let Him in. To let Jesus wash it all away. Sorry, this is so not about birth control anymore, how did I do that!? See, I should really not be allowed to blog at night! I'll just say that I am finally willing and excited to give God my whole heart and life, even this area of controlling when and how many children we have. It's hard for me to feel emotionally ready to "try again" ( I hate that term. Like Caleb was a fail and we'll just try again), but I know in my head I need to lay it down and let God work. Let go and let God.

I've learned a lot this year. About me and about God. I'm submitting to Him, going to Him, being changed by Him. I'm stoked to meet with Jesus these days, to talk with him and hear from him.

I know God is working in intricate ways in my life in this area of giving up control to Him when it comes to our future children. I shouldn't be fearful that I'll have 10 more kids, drive a "Morman van", never travel, be broke, be judged. SEE! When I write it all out I know it's totally ridiculous and those with big families totally just laughed at me. It's good that they would laugh because they know how silly I'm being too. Of course life isn't always easy when you have many children to love, guide, and care for. But is it all worth it in the end? I hope I can someday answer that truthfully with a: HECK YEAH!

Hello Lonely Blog

Let's just skip over the apologies for not blogging in forever and move right along. I'm just putting pictures up right now, we'll see what the next few weeks bring, maybe I'll write some stuff now and then. For now I'll try to explain some of these photos. They get posted in the opposite order than I want them, good 'ol blogger, someday maybe they'll change it so I can just click and drag, oh that would be wonderful. Ok, so we have Monkey Moo's birthday party here, the big 3! We were in Calgary for his birthday and my mom put together a wonderful party. We did the little kid party the weekend after. So he got to invite three little friends (some older siblings got to come too), and we had a camping party. We set the tent up in the living room, made cute little "happy camper" shirts, ate hot dog men, and a s'mores cake. I don't remember what other pictures are on here. Oh there is June Bug and her first day of pre-school, Papa got to drop her off on her first day which was special because when she was about 3 for some reason she said she wanted Papa to come with her on her first day of Kindergarten, to which his response was basically "Nothing could stop be from being there." June Bug has her daddy AND her Papa wrapped around her little finger, in a good way:-) Oh there is also a picture of her playing on the iPod, I just love this picture, she's way too grown up! The last picture is Monkey getting his hair cut. He has a couple extra doses of cute. And the rest of the pictures are Meatball cuteness. Looking at pictures of him almost makes me want to go snuggle him, but he's fast asleep and will stay that way until 7:30am. HA I wish.

Sweetest Baby Smiles

Getting tired of the photo shoot

Three Wee Babes at Birthday Party

Digging into the Gifts

Happy Campers posing

Smores Cake

Hot Dog Man

Kids Eating "Camping Food"

Uncle and the Kids who adore him

Cutie La Roo

Cutie La Roo 2

Papa and some of his biggest fans

Upside Down in the Bumpo

June Bug growing up too fast

June Bug and Papa at Pre-School

Monkey's Haircut

'Lil Monkey Turns Chooo Choooo Two!

I love kid birthday's, especially the 2nd and 3rd because they have no expectations they just enjoy everything. We had a family party for the Monkey the night before his real birthday because Matthew's parents were here. It was so simple and wonderful. He was so happy about everything and loved all his gifts. He only threw a couple mild tempers if the train fell off the track or something. This last picture was the morning after his party, more cake! What a little hunny this kid is. I just can't get enough of him, even if he is a stinker once in awhile.